i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
