I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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