I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
