I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
