I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize