So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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