U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
