When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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