those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
