Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
