if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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