Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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