Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
