After last night, I could never be a politician.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
