There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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