Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
