I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize