Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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