Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
