I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
PANTIES FOUND
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