you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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