So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
