The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
