dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
