im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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