He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
