Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
