TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dicks are not precious.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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