New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
