Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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