my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize