Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
