I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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