The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
