I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
