she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
