I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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