I didn't shave. On purpose
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Shame is for Republicans.
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