What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
