I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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