Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
