shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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