you guys were way drunker than both of me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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