The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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