After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize