i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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