so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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