When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
