Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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