it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
