Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
