did you get engaged???
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
