Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
