I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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