I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
