In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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