i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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