Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
