Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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