just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
