I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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