Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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