Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
