Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
