where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
