I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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