Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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