There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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