I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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