she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
