I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
