I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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