There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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