First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
