My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
