They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This house was built for laser tag.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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