uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
