P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He shit in the fireplace
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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