Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
