I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
