There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
