Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
