So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
A bitchslap is in order.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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