...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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