i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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