Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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