This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
