allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
