im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
