Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
