So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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